I don't think he has that. His apartment was pretty much a tv and a bed. Topless girl calendar and a glass of water to put out cigarettes.
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
You're earring is so big in my mouth
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
Randomize
