You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
Randomize
