i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize
