There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
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