It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
Randomize
