the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Randomize
