Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
Randomize
