Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
Randomize
