It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
Thank you for not boning my boss.
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
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