I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
Randomize
