If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
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