my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
Randomize
