why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Randomize
