Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
Randomize
