38 yer olds are good kisserssss
He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
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