I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
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