oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
my room smells like sperm. sweet.
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Randomize
