Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
Randomize
