I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
Just pee around me
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
Randomize
