fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
Randomize
