so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
Randomize
