I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
Randomize
