She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
Randomize
