on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
Randomize
