I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
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