I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
Randomize
