I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
Randomize
