I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
Randomize
