I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
Randomize
