now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
Randomize
