I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
Randomize
