I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
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