you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
