I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Randomize
