I can't watch pbs sober anymore
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
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