I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
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