I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
Randomize
