you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
Randomize
