I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
Randomize
