Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
