1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
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