in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
Randomize
