Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
honey bunches of taint.
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
Randomize
