you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
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