Who wears a wallet chain?!
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
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