One girl and one boy is just not enough.
Kareoke will never be a sober sport
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
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