I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
I won't apologize to a one balled man
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
Randomize
