The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
Randomize
