I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
her facebook's as public as her vagina
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
Randomize
