M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
Randomize
